Good Golly its Ollie McCauley

Hello and welcome to another episode of Dear Oliver! Today’s special guest is my sister and her brand new fur baby, Oliver! You don’t want to miss her pet peeve, especially if you’ve ever had trouble training an adorable, free spirited and highly rambunctious puppy. So, come on in and belly up to the bar. And while you’re eavesdropping on Oliver’s sound advice, why not treat yourself to one of his legendary martinis! You’ll find his impressive venue listed on the sidebar. Not a martini fan? Not a problem. Oliver will make whatever drink strikes your fancy and serve it with a wink and a smile. And rumor has it that his Taco Con Questo dip is hotter than a sultry night in Georgia. With no further ado, let’s give a warm round of applause to Mary Beth and Ollie McCauley!

What can I getcha to drink, love?

Of course an ice cold beer in a frosty cold mug! And a fresh cold full water bowl for my chum Ollie!

Casting Mary Beth a wicked wink, Oliver flashes his most dazzling smile. My pleasure, sweet thing. After serving the requested drink orders, a chilled mug of IC Light and a bottled water, he scoops the squirming black lab puppy up in his arms and raises an eyebrow. Ollie ol’ boy, being my name sake and all, I’m your mentor, which means y’all have quite a reputation to live up to with the ladies!

Gazing at his mentor with admiration, Ollie grins a doggy grin, his eyes gleaming like stars. He yips excitedly.

What’s that, Ollie ol’ boy?

Ollie yips a little louder, just a tad annoyed that he has to explain himself to his mentor.

Catching on, Oliver puffs out his chest. You got it, my little protégé, I’ll be happy to give y’all some pointers guaranteed to score major brownie points with the ladies.  Starting with this. With a flick of his wrist, Oliver presses a button on his 007 remote. Instantly, a panel opens displaying a box of doggy breath buster biscuits. Whistling, Oliver feeds the panting pup a few. First rule of thumb, Ollie dear boy, fresh breath will allow y’all to steal lots of kisses.  With a mischievous twinkle in his eye, Oliver sets the doggy in an upright position on a bar stool and pumps his biceps.  Ollie, my pet, watch and learn. You’re about to see the master at his game.

Placing another frosty mug of beer in front of Mary Beth, Oliver leans a little closer and gazes into her eyes. Who can I play for you on the jukebox, my pretty young thing?

Mary Beth grins. I have a few selections starting with AC/DC – You Shook me all night long! Or how about Play that funky music white Boy! By Wild Cherry or Sweet Caroline – good times never seemed so good by the one and only Neil Diamond! Or who could forget “everybody wang chung tonight” remember that one? How about “Pour some sugar on me” by Def Leppard? I know a favorite of my dear sister’s is Hall and Oates “I can’t go for that – no can do” or “Kiss on my list” How about for old romantic time sake good old Frank Sinatra “fly me to the moon”! I could go on and on with this category. Any more suggestions from the audience?

With his jack-be-nimble fingers working a mile a minute, Oliver programs the impressive venue into the jukebox, mumbling under his breath that MB is every bit as high maintenance as her sister. With a sonic boom that quakes the earth, You Shook Me All Night Long vibrates off the walls.

When Frank Sinatra’s song floats across the room, Oliver smiles a beguiling smile. Taking Mary Beth by the hand, he leads her out to the dance floor. serenading her, they dance cheek to cheek.

“Fly me to the moon

Let me play among the stars

Let me see what spring is like

On a Jupiter and Mars     

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, baby, kiss me…”

The audience breaks into thunderous applause. The Dancing With the Stars couple take a sweeping bow.

Whew, Oliver mixes himself a James Bond martini. Handing Mary Beth another cold one, their glasses clink in a toast. So tell me about your pet peeve, love.

My pet peeve is Oliver’s biting!  He will not leave us alone!  We give him chew toy after toy but his attention span is that of a pea and within seconds he goes from the chew toy to jumping on us, biting us like a chew toy!  He is very strong and thinks this is the most fun game!  He growls playfully as he chomps on your fingers/arms/toes/legs anything he can sink his teeth into!  Also he will not entertain himself; he thinks we are solely there to be a source of entertainment to him and if you do not pay attention to him for one second he will bark for your command

Right on cue, Ollie barks sharply, demanding equal time from Oliver. Whistling a verse of Hall and Oates “I can’t go for that – no can do, Oliver snatches a present from the bar, a chew toy of a James Bond martini. Strutting over to Ollie, he picks him up. Immediately, Ollie displays his annoyance for being ignored by biting on Oliver’s ears, fingers and arm.

Watch the biceps, junior! Chew on this for a while. He sets him on the floor on a blanket, gives him fresh water, some doggy nibbles and his chew toy. Totally ignoring the command, Ollie attaches himself to Oliver’s leg, chomps his teeth into it and takes off running laps around the  bar, barking excitedly. He shoots Oliver a don’t mess with me look.

Mary Beth shakes her head. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?  Luckily these wild times do not last long and he tires easily and the next thing you know he is curled up at your feet or in your lap and lavishing you with sweet kisses and then the next thing you know he is snoring and out like a light!  This is when he is so lovable and sweet!

Ollie races past them, a streak of black lightning, stopping only to bite Mary Beth’s leg.

Another beer, love, you’re looking a bit frazzled.

Mary Beth accepts it with a smile. Oliver delves a tortilla chip in his Taco Con Questo dip and feeds it to MB, then another. So tell me, sweet thing, where do you think utopia is?

Utopia for Oliver is running in the yard full speed ahead, chasing sticks or us!  Also he likes to play basketball with my son Connor and is very good at defense!  Utopia for us is Ollie’s naptime!

Showing no sign of slowing down any time soon, Ollie does laps around the bar that would make a marathon runner weep.

Deciding it’s time to take charge, Oliver goes about the ritual of mixing up a pitcher of his legendary James Bond martinis. He pours the chilled, shaken, not stirred concoction into two frosted Gibson glasses. He hands one to Mary Beth and winks. Here we go then, love, a nice JB to sooth your blues away. Snatching Ollie as he streaks by, Oliver pumps his biceps and grins. Dipping his finger into his cocktail, Oliver sticks it into Ollie’s mouth. Ollie smacks his lips. Then he shoots up his arm and pumps his doggy biceps.

Mary Beth McCauley is a wife, mother of two children and one fur baby. She is Customer Service Team Leader at PPG Industries, Inc. in the Silica Products Customer Service Department.

When she is relaxing in her spare time, Mary Beth enjoys reading, tending to her flower and vegetable gardens and is an avid sports fan.

Final words from Mary Beth.

Any suggestions for calming this crazy pup when he is in his full speed ahead play and bite mode?  We are desperate!