Dear Oliver with Val Pearson

Hello and welcome to another episode of Dear Oliver! Today’s special guest is my good friend and one of the reviewers of You Gotta Read, Val Pearson. You don’t want to miss Val’s pet peeve, especially if your teenager is driving you bonkers with nerve-wracking music. So, come on in and belly up to the bar. And while you’re eavesdropping on Oliver’s sound advice, why not treat yourself to one of his legendary martinis! You’ll find his impressive venue listed on the sidebar. Not a martini fan? Not a problem. Oliver will make whatever drink strikes your fancy and serve it with a wink and a smile. And rumor has it that his tortilla chips and salsa are spicier than a pot of his Cajun Jambalaya. With no further ado, let’s give a warm round of applause to Val Pearson!

Oliver: What can I getcha to drink, love?

Val: Tequila straight up Oliver, it's been the most irritating day EVER!

Oliver mumbles under his breath, but when he turns to Val after pouring her chosen poison straight up, he flashes the charm with a wink and a smile. There we go then, love. With a flick of his 007 remote, a calming beach scene with gently rolling waves materializes on the big screen behind the bar. When Val downs her shot and points a finger to her empty glass, he leans a little closer. Why so glum, chum?

Val: It's this whole Glee soundtrack that my daughter has going on. It's not that I don't like Glee, but she plays it OVER and OVER and OVER!

Nodding, Oliver fills Val’s empty shot glass, tossing a Lemon wedge and shaker of salt on the bar as an after thought. We are at the beach, after all. So if y’all could sum up your pet peeve in a word, what would it be?

Val: One word? GLEE

With another flick of his 007 remote, The Eagles' Tequila Sunrise plays in the background. Oliver hums along. "Given the way you downed that rather potent shot down the ol’ hatch without coming up for air, I dare say the added amenities may keep y’all from falling off the bar stool like the rest of ‘em". Humming away, he takes a margarita glass, coating the rim in salt before presenting it. "As long as you think you’re woman enough to handle another shot of the nasty, knock yourself out, sweet thing."

Val coils her fingers around the glass in a death grip, brings it to her lips and knocks it back neat.

Oliver shoves a heaping basket of his tortilla chips and spicy salsa in front of her and smiles a beguiling smile. "Best have a bite to eat, love. Remember how tanked the boss lady got when she so foolishly thought she was woman enough to handle more than one martini. As if!" Oliver pumps his biceps and hums another verse of Tequila Sunrise. Plucking a chip from the basket, he dips it in salsa and feeds it to Val. Then another. "Now about your pet peeve with Glee, love. But if you’re not ready to rant and rave just yet, who can I play for you on the jukebox?"

Val: *sigh* if you could play me some Bon Jovi, I would love you forever Oliver.

Oliver presses a button on his JB remote and Bon Jovi appears on the background beach scene and the music begins. Casting Val a wildly wicked wink, he plucks up his electric guitar and spews forth, gazing into her eyes the whole while. In moves that Jon Bon Jovi himself would envy, Oliver shakes it loose.

It’s my life

It’s now or never

I ain’t gonna live forever

I just want to live while I’m alive

It’s my life

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said

I did it my way

I just want to live while I’m alive

It’s my life

It’s my life

It’s my life

Oliver flings his guitar over his head and takes a sweeping bow. The bar rocks with hoots and whistles.

Oliver: Whew, I dare say I’m in need of a drink after that rather electric dance. Oliver fans himself. Now, back to the subject at hand. When did you develop this pet peeve with Glee, love boat?

Val: The moment one of my daughter's friends gave her the CD soundtrack.

Oliver shrugs. So, tell me, sweet thing, where do you think utopia is?

Val: My utopia is in a tropical paradise somewhere with Channing Tatum, Dale Earnhardt Jr and Jon Bon Jovi. I'm lost Oliver, can you point me the way to my little Valtopia?

With a wink and a smile, Oliver hits his remote and a tropical paradise with Channing Tatum, Dale Earnhardt Jr and Jon Bon Jovi appear on screen, fanning Val and feeding her bon bons as she lounges in a chaise lounge, grinning from ear to ear.

How else can Dear Oliver help, my pet?

Val: You can help me sit back and laugh. I got back at my daughter by grounding her from all of her CD's except the one I gave her. It has a Mariachi band, some Spanish guy singing a French song and songs I know she will detest! So join in for our big guffaw Oliver, MOM won!

Oliver kisses Val on each cheek, hands her 30 pieces of silver and grins. With a flick of his 007 remote, the repugnant Mariachi band strut in, six short and chubby Spanish inmates that haven’t shaved or showered in way too long, gather ‘round Val, belting out French tunes for all they’re worth in between hoots and whistles.

Oliver hands the be-frazzled Val a double shot of tequila. Ah, well, y’all know what they say ‘bout what goes ‘round comes ‘round. Val? Love? Are you all right?

Final words from Val Pearson

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Oliver, Dahling, thank you so much for ..... just looking so sexy to begin with and for listening to all my drama issues.