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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Dear Oliver with Mary Ricksen

Hello and welcome to another episode of Dear Oliver! Today’s special guest is the author of Time Travel Romance, Mary Ricksen. You don’t want to miss her pet peeve, especially if you are an insomniac with a self esteem issue to boot! And there’s more, so get ready, it’s a doozie of a list.
Among Mary’s otherpet peeves are rude, superior attitude, inconsiderate people, bullies, snobs, and mean spirited people! And she hates when the government gives money to countries that hate us.

So, come on in and belly up to the bar. And while you’re eavesdropping on Oliver’s sound advice, why not treat yourself to one of his legendary martinis! You’ll find his impressive venue listed on the sidebar. Not a martini fan? Not a problem. Oliver will make whatever drink strikes your fancy and serve it with a wink and a smile. Rumor has it that his Chicago style pizza is so loaded that the mafia is after him! With no further ado, let’s give a warm round of applause to Mary Ricksen!
Oliver: What can I getcha to drink, love?

Mary: Well Oliver, you know I don’t drink. I see more and get to laugh at everyone else who does!! And let me tell you I have seen some very drunk people do very funny things. Not so funny for them the next day when they realize what they did. I’ll take anything frosty with berries in it.

Oliver whips up a frosty strawberry smoothie and presents it to Mary with a wink and a smile. Noticing her pout, he plops in three more frozen strawberries. Nothing if not a lady killer, he plucks up the plumpest and feeds it to her. Then he skims his hand along her cheekbone. Why so glum, chum?

Mary:  My problem, is self esteem, I need to get more somehow! Add to that I am an insomniac and I hate it! I wanna be sleeping, but my brain won’t shut off! Every problem, every unanswered question, every hurdle that I have to leap, runs through my mind late at night when it’s quiet and the world nods it’s head in rest. My second book needs a home. And I hope to goodness I find a good one for it!

Oliver: My sweet pet, he clutches his heart. I’ve just finished reading
And, my sweet, dare I say that after being sucked in to your incredible writing style, any book that follows has to be a winner! With a wicked wink, leans a little closer and whispers. Sweet thing, I slipped you that secret agent stun gun* for a reason. And for the record, if I were you, I’d zap any agent or editor that rejects your second book where the sun doesn’t shine. Now, tell me, love, who can I play for you on the jukebox to chase your blues away?
Mary:  Three Dog Night, Or the original version of Layla?

The lights dim and Oliver falls to his knees in front of Mary, plucking on the strings of an electric guitar. He serenades her, his husky voice floating across the bar to the classic Eric Clapton hit.
“No one is waiting by your side?
You’ve been running and hiding much too long
You know it’s just your foolish pride
Layla, you got me on my knees
Layla, I’m begging’ darling please…”

When the lights come back, the bar rocks with applause. Oliver hands Mary another strawberry smoothie with a ton of frozen berries and a mouth-watering piece of loaded pizza. When Mary opens her mouth, Oliver feeds her, dabbing the sauce dribbling down her chin. He smiles a beguiling smile. So tell me, sweet pea, when did you develop this pet peeve?

Mary:  Pet peeve, My pet peeve is rude, superior attitude, inconsiderate people! Bullies, snobs, and mean spirited people stay away from me please!!! We are all just plain human and should be nice to one another. Oh! I hate government giving money to countries that hate us, while our own people have no jobs or are starting!!! There is no middle class anymore; you are either well to do or struggling.

Oliver’s eyes glaze over as he listens to the longest rant he’s ever heard. When his ears begin to buzz, he mumbles something about giving a stun gun to a raving lunatic, a crazed psycho. Then he plucks up a bottle of whiskey and drinks some, straight up. Then he pours the rest of the jug into Mary’s smoothie.

Well, love, there is no such place as Utopia, but if such a place did exist, where do you think it is?

Mary: A place in the mountains, where everyone is kind and friendly, and there are trees and gentle winds, silence except for the sounds of the forest. (A hospital has to be within driving distance too Ha!) Oh, I wouldn’t mind being comfortable enough to not worry about money!
And I like to be liked, ya know? I try to be the best person I can be, sometimes I may make a mistake, but I would never hurt another person if I could help it! I love it when people are happy to see me!
But most of all I want to meet in person my two soul sisters from the AR&T. Maybe on a cruise, or in the Great Smokies, somewhere together. Sorry Oliver only girls this time.

Oliver puts on his iPod and cranks up the volume. When he can still hear Mary’s ever growing list of pet peeves, he drinks some more whiskey to drown her out.  Pretty soon, he’s belting it out to Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb.

How can Dear Oliver help, my pet?

Mary: You gave me a stun gun!* I love you, you’re my buddy. I got your back guy!
I love how you take care of Sharon. Ain’t she the bomb!
Love you sweetie! Buttttt---A nice shoulder rub might help?

His head spinning, Oliver snatches his stun gun back and shoots himself. In his dazed state of confusion, he can still hear the voice of Mary Ricksen. He’ll probably hear it in his sleep.
*(See last week's roast comments on the post 'Where are the Clowns)
I moved to Florida a long time ago. I hate the summer heat, but the winters are heavenly!! I love snow, but don’t miss the terrible weather you have where you live. I was born in Burlington, Vt., but moved many times from Canada to Texas and many states in between. When I moved out on my own I moved to Port Washington, NY. Where I met and married Chris. I loved him from the minute I saw him. He was hot and still is!
He coulda used some training in how to be a good husband. But his mom was never home.
He is like my left leg, be tough to live without him. He does surprise me though. Yesterday he did something he’s never, ever, done. He bought me a pair of earrings for no reason at all.
I was filled with shock and awe. I hope the kisses and hugs were enough to let him know I loved what he did. But, there is that niggling wonder in the back of my head. Hey, what did you do?
So far, so good. Wasn’t that just what I have been hoping for? A more thoughtful man, holey moley! And God help me, I hope he continues to do things like that!!!


Hywela Lyn said...

Hello Sharon and Mary, my dear soul-sisters, and Oliver, dear Oliver! You dear sweet man!

I have to say I sympathise with your rants Mary, but you are such a lovely, talented person, you sholdn't suffer from low esteem! It's hard if you have difficulty sleeping - I have the opposite problem LOL - I start trying to work out a story plot in my mind when I'm in bed and drift off to sleep almost before I get started!

And I agree I also loathe mean spirited people, snobs and bullies - and our government is just as bad as yours - but then these problems have always been with us, and all we can do is try to be nice to each other. And what nicer, more supportive group of people is there than the writing community!

Sending love and good wishes your way that your book will find the good home it so richly deserves!

Sharon Donovan said...

A big bear hug for my lovely and talented soul sister Mary Ricksen. Mary, come on down!
I echo Lyn's accolades. You have a huge heart and are a gift to anyone lucky enough to know you and call you friend. Wouldn't it be nice to live in a world free of...well no need to repeat your long list of grievances, sweetie, Oliver would stroke out if he had to hear them again. Either that or zapt me good! But one thing is certain, you make this world a better place and will definitely leave your footprint on this earth. Here's hoping you find a home for your second book. Love you to pieces, sweetie!

Big hug for my other soul sister Hywela Lyn. Come on girls, let's go flag Oliver down for a cuppa Chai tea. Oliverrrrrrr!

Mary Ricksen said...

If anyone reads the comments you both made it will be obvious to them why I love you both to death!
And Oliver, I listen to you rattle on about your BORING detective stuff and my eyes don't glaze over. Hmmmppph!
But!!! Mary grabs her stun gun back from Oliver. You never know fella, this could save my life someday. Or at the very least, I can shock Chris into growing up>? So, where do I go from here???

Bianca Swan said...

Mary, slow down on those smoothies! I trust your second book will find a great home. You've already got a chance with Avon. Fingers crossed!

Oliver, a Cosmo please. I watched too many episodes of Sex & The City.

Sandra Crowley said...

Sharon, it's so sweet of you to let Mary rant on your blog. Y'all's friendship is truly tight.

Mary, relax, I have a cure for your insomnia, although you might think it worse than the condition. Come split firewood for me. I only need another cord (4' x 4' x 8') to finish the winter.

I live in the mountains where only the whisper of trees and snow lift the silence, and the ring of your ax weilding fun, of course. It's gloriously refreshing here; and I promise you'll be so exhausted each night, you'll fall asleep standing up.

If you bring Oliver, he can chase you around the wood pile for a little excitement.

And, you can use your stun gun on the pesky varmits stealing the bird food.

I have no doubt you'll find a great home for your second book, and then the third, fourth, fifth...

Glad y'all enjoyed our clown party. Take care,

Oliver said...

Mary, sweet thing, no need to get all snarky. You know I love you, darling girl, but come now, that list of yours was longer than Pinocchio's nose. Here's another smoothie, loaded with frozen berries, and right hand up, this one isn't spiked. Here we go then, you can play with your stunner on the dart board. Picture the bull's eye whoever you long as it isn't Yours Truly. Wicked grin

Oliver said...

Here we go then, Bianca love, a nice Cosmo, just the way you like it. Lovely to see you again, my sweet, can I slice you a piece of pizza?

Oliver said...

Sandra, sweet thing, might I say how happy I am that you got away from Mary. Just between you and me, the Ricksen chick's a wee bit faye. She really had all intentions of sawing you in two. Sandra, love, drink this apple martini. You look like you could use a strong one.

Oliver said...

Lyn my lovely, kiss kiss. Here's your mead, darling girl. Cheers

Traci said...

I love Oliver!! Mary, your book will sell :) you are amazingly talented

Debra St. John said...

Hello Mary and Oliver Darling,

I'll take one of those Strawberry Smoothies. Thanks, love. *kiss kiss*

Ah, Mary, I so agree with you about the government. Seriously. It's either folks dripping in diamonds or can't make ends meet. What's up with the world today? The rich get richer.

Good luck finding a home for your second book. I'm looking for a home for my fourth. Maybe we can share some tips!!

Oliver said...

For you, darling Debra, a strawberry smoothie and a piece of pizza. Traci love, what's your pleasure, sweet thing?
Mary, my wee one, easy with the stunner on that dart board. That was a Christmas present from Sharon Come sit here and drink another smoothie!

Maeve said...

Loved eavesdropping in on this lovely chat with two of my favorite folks! Mary - I hope you know how much we all love you. You're always there for your friends and that's worth more than all the gold in King Soloman's mine. And I loved your description of Eutopia! You're a woman after my own heart. Take care, Mary. And ALWAYS use the safety on the stun gun - you don't want to accidently shoot the wrong ass. (Oh my. Sorry - did I say that out loud?)

You're the best, Mary1

Oliver said...

Maeve, my sweet, what can I tempt you with? Darre I ask if you might be a guest on an upcoming Dear Oliver show because, frankly my dear, I do give a damn and would love to get inside your head. Wink

Oliver said...

Mary, my sweet love petina, I dare say that editor you're zapping over and over again on the dart board has surrendered. You're shut off, no more frozen smoothies for you. All those frozen goose berries are making you a wee bit faye!

Mary Ricksen said...

Oliver, you asked for it! You know I never was a girl of few words. But, nonetheless I forgive you. And no alcohol. Not unless you want me to embarrass you!

Mary Ricksen said...

Bianca, from your lips...
Sandra, I know what you mean, I sleep much better in the country. But, it's still a battle.
Debra I'm so with you on the government. Ugh!!!
Maeve, you are the soft light in dim room! How could anyone not love you! Plus I love when you say it like it is!
Traci, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here! Three cheers for Traci!
I'll have to stop with the smoothies or they will have to roll me in the door.
Just wait till you have a gripe Oliver, I'm just gonna stick my tongue out and chuckle!
I haven't used the stun gun all day. It's safely hidden. This here is a water pistol. Mary squirts Oliver and the water drips down his nose. BBRRRARRAAHHHHAHAHAH!
Sorry couldn't help it, but you look good in a wet tee! Right ladies?

Mary Marvella said...

Mary, you have a keeper! Of course you knew that already. Oliver is fine for fun, but...

Oliver, I meant that you we fine in a lot of ways!

Mary Ricksen said...

Oliver is a friend, Mary, he's like my teasing younger brother to me!
He's my buddy! But he sure does know how to flirt!!!

Emma Lai said...

Hi Mary, Oliver, et al. Rude, inconsiderate, snobbish and mean-spirited people as well as bullies are the ones losing out on life. It's a sad thing to be so wrapped up in one's own self. There are so many good people in the world...and Mary, my friend, you are right on top of the list of nice people. (Don't get the woman with an international relations degree started on foreign policy. Not enough space.)

Mona Risk said...

Mary, sweetie, you are so right about wishing the world to be a better place. I am so glad to hear your DH pampered you with a nice gift. It's never too late. wink, wink. Ask Oliver how he manges to stay so hunky.

Mary Ricksen said...

Well Oliver you heard it, how do you stay so hunky, how come no gray hairs, how come you never age, how my friend, do you do it??
Mona that one is for you!
Emma, You are a pretty darn special person yourself girl!
Thanks for the gift Oliver, no not the stun gun, for the gift of the comments these special people have made. Now that, Oliver, is a gift!

Oliver said...

Hello my lovelies, Emma and Mona. What can I get you sweet youn things to drink?
Mary, kiss kiss, my pretty. Being the gentleman that I am, I'll let the childish water gun prank slide. Wink

Allison Chase said...

Ah yes, that Oliver is a cutie! And you, Mary, are a sweetie! I've got fingers and toes crossed that you sell this next book soon! Then FRW will help you celebrate! And Oliver will mix the drinks, of course.

P.L. Parker said...

LOL - I loved this. I hate rude and inconsiderate people, especially when I am driving. I often think a bazooka bolted to the top of my car might just do the trick. "Nice" is a great way to be.

Sharon Donovan said...

Sharon comes into the party. Mary is out of control, chasing Oliver around the bar with a glazed look in her eyes, zapping him with the stun gun he has so foolishly given her.
Everyone else is drinking apple martinis, hurling apples at the pictures of agents, editors and lovers who have dumped them. Everyone is drunk and disorderly when the police arrest them and cart them off to jail, kicking and screaming.

I hope you enjoyed this week’s episode of Dear Oliver. Thank you for supporting Mary Ricken’s and her ever growing list of pet peeves. Please join us next week when Oliver’s guest will be Val Pearson. Until then, may the luck of the Irish be with you as you travel through life.

Love and Blessings

Mary Ricksen said...

I love you Sharon, oh, you too, Oliver!
Thanks for all the comments to everyone!
Sharon you are my idol!