Dear Oliver with Hywela Lyn

Hello and welcome to another episode of Dear Oliver! Today’s special guest is my dear friend Hywela Lyn. You don’t want to miss her pet peeve, especially if you happen to be a UK author dealing with the IRS! So, come on in and belly up to the bar. And while you’re eavesdropping on Oliver’s sound advice to Lyn, why not treat yourself to one of his legendary martinis! You’ll find his impressive menu listed on the sidebar. Not a martini fan? Not a problem. Oliver will make whatever strikes your fancy. And rumor has it that his chocolate bridge mix is out of this world. With no further ado, let’s give a warm round of applause to Hywela Lyn!

Oliver: What can I getcha to drink, love?

Lyn: Well, a glass of mead always goes down well, Oliver, and one of your flashing smiles. What a winning combination!

Humming away to one of his 007 theme songs, Oliver presents a goblet of mead to Lyn with a wink and a smile. He skims his hand along her face. Why so glum, chum?

Lyn:  I am so fed up with ‘Red Tape’! We have enough of it in the UK, and now I find it’s just as bad in the USA. Oliver, do you think I exist?  The IRS doesn’t. I have to fill in form W-7 and I need to prove my identity with a Passport or Driving license. I can’t afford foreign holidays, so I don’t have a Passport, and the only transport I own is my horses. They don’t need a vehicle license, although ironically, they both have horse passports! (Compulsory in the UK), although they don't travel abroad either, and it's really a form of animal licence. Since I have neither drivers permit nor Passport, it seems I am a non-person! Perhaps I’m just a figment of my own imagination!

Oliver: Hmm…given the way you downed that rather large goblet of mead I just poured in seconds flat, I would say you must definitely exist, my sweet. He pours more mead into Lyn’s glass. When her eyes glaze over and she coils her fingers around the stem of the glass in a dead lock grip, Oliver shoves a heaping dish of his chocolate bridge mix in front of her and smiles a beguiling smile. Best have a bite to eat, love. Remember how tanked the boss lady got last week when she so foolishly thought she was woman enough to handle more than one James Bond martini. As if! Oliver pumps his biceps and hums a verse of Nobody Does it Better from The Spy Who Loved Me. Plucking a chocolate covered peanut from the dish, he plops it into Lyn’s mouth. Then another. Now about your pet peeve with the IRS, love. I’m truly sorry about all the red tape and paper work. I can only imagine what a headache it is for you. Perhaps the American Embassy can straighten it all out for you. In the meantime, who can I play for you on the jukebox to chase your blues away, my sweet?

Lyn: Dearest Oliver – so thoughtful. How about Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers singing ‘Islands in the Stream’? That always makes me feel more cheerful. Maybe if I close my eyes I can forget about Red Tape and imagine you’re singing to me as we drift along in a little boat on a beautiful lake in the sunshine. I’m wearing my ‘Oliver’ teeshirt and sipping Chai tea from my Oliver mug.

Oliver presses a button on his JB remote and the requested song plays. Flashing Lyn a smile designed to melt hearts, he whisks her in his muscular arms as they glide as one across the dance floor. In a husky voice, he serenades her. “Islands in the stream, this is what we are. No more in between… we can sail away where we make love to each other…”

The audience explodes with hoots and whistles when the song ends and the couple take a sweeping bow.

Oliver: Thank you for the dance, love. Whew, I dare say I’m in need of a drink after that rather cozy dance. Oliver fans himself. Now, back to the subject at hand. when did you develop this pet peeve?

Lyn: Oh, just before Christmas last year, when my Publisher wrote to all UK authors telling us that anyone published in the US but living overseas has to have an ITIN number in order for them to continue to pay us our Royalties, however small those may be. *sigh* and it’s not just my own US publisher who is involved, but each and every one! So any UK author published in The States has to obtain this number, which involves filling in forms and travelling to the American Consulate in London with proof of identity *another sigh*.

 

Oliver: That sounds like a royal pain in the you know what! I wish I could cut away the red tape for you, my sweet Lyn, truly I do. He fills her goblet with more mead. As an after thought, he pours himself a glass. Propping his arms on the bar, he gazes into Lyn’s eyes. Tell me, sweet thing, where do you think utopia is?

Lyn: Utopia would be a place where Red Tape is forbidden. Completely and utterly. Where form filling is unheard of and where old fashioned things like Birth Certificates and Marriage Certificates are still accepted to prove I’m who I say I am, and that I’m not telling ‘porkies’. Where all animals and children are wanted and loved and well cared for – (I threw that in because I can’t bear to hear of little helpless souls being abandoned or ill treated) and where you, dear Oliver, would gaze at me in adoration and wait on me hand and hoof – I mean foot.

Oliver: Amen to that. Their glasses clink in a toast. Here here! Now, how can I help, my pet?

Lyn: Well, another glass of mead perhaps? And maybe some tea – yes, some Chai tea, lovely.  And chocolate – I need chocolate, how about a slice of that Black forest cake you and I both love so much, and which you bake with such finesse! And then perhaps if you could just give me a little shoulder massage … ooh Oliver, I swear you remind me of that Ray Bradbury Science Fiction title, ‘I Sing The body Electric’. You certainly do have the electric touch! 

Oliver: Your wish is my command, love. He presents the treats with a roguish wink. After feeding a fork full of decadent Black Forest cake to Lyn, he works his magic with his fingers, easing the tension from her aching muscles.

Lyn:  Oh… you meant about the Red Tape?  Dearest Oliver, any suggestions or advice you can give would earn you my undying love and devotion.  (Oh yes, of course you have that already. Well I’m sure I can think of something.)

Oliver: Lyn, my sweet little cumquat, unfortunately, no matter what country, there will always be red tape and hoops to leap through. I ought to know, being a secret agent man and all. In the meantime, have more mead. Why do you think there are pubs in every watering hole in the world? To chase your blues away!

AUTHOR BIO 

                                                              

Hywela Lyn lived in Wales for most of her life, and its beautiful countryside and legends inspired her to write. Although she now lives in a small village in England, she is very proud of her Welsh heritage and background. She enjoys weaving romantic tales of the future, and distant, mysterious worlds.  Her pen name is a combination of her first two names. 'Hywela’ is Welsh and her first name but it was never used and she has always been called by her second Christian name, Lyn. One thing remains constant in her writing:  The power of love.  Love, not only between her hero and heroine, but between friends and siblings, and for their particular world and the creatures that share it.  

She is crazy about all animals, especially horses. She lives with her long suffering husband, Dave, and her animal family includes two horses, two ferrel cats and an adopted Jack Russell terrier called Bouncer.

Hywela Lyn’s first novel, 'Starquest', a futuristic romance was released by The Wild Rose Press in 2008. The sequel to ‘Starquest’, 'Children of the Mist' released in 2009.  Both are available in Ebook format or print and she is currently working on the third stories in the series. She is also one of nine authors who each contributed a story about one of the nine Greek muses in the Wild Rose Press anthology ‘Song Of the Muses', with her story about Terpsichore, Muse of Dance, ‘Dancing With Fate.

Lyn loves to hear from readers and fellow authors, and you can write to her at

Lyn @hywelalyn.co.uk 

Visit her at her website:   http://www.hywelalyn.co.uk/

Her Blog:  http://www.hywelalyn.blogspot.com/

You can purchase her books on her Wild Rose Press Author Page: http://thewildrosepress.com/index.php?main_page=index&manufacturers_id=138&zenid=d44d82b69ca8786b46f0f6220394a6ae  where you can also download a free copy of her short fantasy romance ‘A Bargain With Death.’