Hello and welcome to another episode of Dear Oliver! Today’s special guest is the author of Time Travel Romance, Mary Ricksen. You don’t want to miss her pet peeve, especially if you are an insomniac with a self esteem issue to boot! And there’s more, so get ready, it’s a doozie of a list.
Among Mary’s otherpet peeves are rude, superior attitude, inconsiderate people, bullies, snobs, and mean spirited people! And she hates when the government gives money to countries that hate us.
So, come on in and belly up to the bar. And while you’re eavesdropping on Oliver’s sound advice, why not treat yourself to one of his legendary martinis! You’ll find his impressive venue listed on the sidebar. Not a martini fan? Not a problem. Oliver will make whatever drink strikes your fancy and serve it with a wink and a smile. Rumor has it that his 
Oliver: What can I getcha to drink, love?
Mary: Well Oliver, you know I don’t drink. I see more and get to laugh at everyone else who does!! And let me tell you I have seen some very drunk people do very funny things. Not so funny for them the next day when they realize what they did. I’ll take anything frosty with berries in it.
Mary: My problem, is self esteem, I need to get more somehow! Add to that I am an insomniac and I hate it! I wanna be sleeping, but my brain won’t shut off! Every problem, every unanswered question, every hurdle that I have to leap, runs through my mind late at night when it’s quiet and the world nods it’s head in rest. My second book needs a home. And I hope to goodness I find a good one for it!
Oliver: My sweet pet, he clutches his heart. I’ve just finished reading
And, my sweet, dare I say that after being sucked in to your incredible writing style, any book that follows has to be a winner! With a wicked wink, leans a little closer and whispers. Sweet thing, I slipped you that secret agent stun gun* for a reason. And for the record, if I were you, I’d zap any agent or editor that rejects your second book where the sun doesn’t shine. Now, tell me, love, who can I play for you on the jukebox to chase your blues away?
Mary: Three Dog Night, Or the original version of Layla?
The lights dim and Oliver falls to his knees in front of Mary, plucking on the strings of an electric guitar. He serenades her, his husky voice floating across the bar to the classic Eric Clapton hit.
“No one is waiting by your side?
You’ve been running and hiding much too long
You know it’s just your foolish pride
Layla, you got me on my knees
Layla, I’m begging’ darling please…”
When the lights come back, the bar rocks with applause. Oliver hands Mary another strawberry smoothie with a ton of frozen berries and a mouth-watering piece of loaded pizza. When Mary opens her mouth, Oliver feeds her, dabbing the sauce dribbling down her chin. He smiles a beguiling smile. So tell me, sweet pea, when did you develop this pet peeve?
Mary: Pet peeve, My pet peeve is rude, superior attitude, inconsiderate people! Bullies, snobs, and mean spirited people stay away from me please!!! We are all just plain human and should be nice to one another. Oh! I hate government giving money to countries that hate us, while our own people have no jobs or are starting!!! There is no middle class anymore; you are either well to do or struggling.
Oliver’s eyes glaze over as he listens to the longest rant he’s ever heard. When his ears begin to buzz, he mumbles something about giving a stun gun to a raving lunatic, a crazed psycho. Then he plucks up a bottle of whiskey and drinks some, straight up. Then he pours the rest of the jug into Mary’s smoothie.
Well, love, there is no such place as Utopia, but if such a place did exist, where do you think it is?
Mary: A place in the mountains, where everyone is kind and friendly, and there are trees and gentle winds, silence except for the sounds of the forest. (A hospital has to be within driving distance too Ha!) Oh, I wouldn’t mind being comfortable enough to not worry about money!
And I like to be liked, ya know? I try to be the best person I can be, sometimes I may make a mistake, but I would never hurt another person if I could help it! I love it when people are happy to see me!
But most of all I want to meet in person my two soul sisters from the AR&T. Maybe on a cruise, or in the Great Smokies, somewhere together. Sorry Oliver only girls this time.
Oliver puts on his iPod and cranks up the volume. When he can still hear Mary’s ever growing list of pet peeves, he drinks some more whiskey to drown her out. Pretty soon, he’s belting it out to Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb.
How can Dear Oliver help, my pet?
Mary: You gave me a stun gun!* I love you, you’re my buddy. I got your back guy!
I love how you take care of Sharon
Love you sweetie! Buttttt---A nice shoulder rub might help?
*(See last week's roast comments on the post 'Where are the Clowns)
He coulda used some training in how to be a good husband. But his mom was never home.
He is like my left leg, be tough to live without him. He does surprise me though. Yesterday he did something he’s never, ever, done. He bought me a pair of earrings for no reason at all.
I was filled with shock and awe. I hope the kisses and hugs were enough to let him know I loved what he did. But, there is that niggling wonder in the back of my head. Hey, what did you do?
So far, so good. Wasn’t that just what I have been hoping for? A more thoughtful man, holey moley! And God help me, I hope he continues to do things like that!!!
http://maryricksen.com/
